


only love can hurt like this

by neverescape



Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Domestic Violence, M/M, Panic Attacks, Suicide, read with caution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:43:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9215261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverescape/pseuds/neverescape
Summary: He was just experimenting. A bit of flirting, a quick fuck and out.With Beyond, it was never going to be quite that simple.





	1. Chapter 1

**It starts out innocently enough. A glance, a brush in the corridor, a peek through a classroom window.**

Light has noticed how the boy seems to be watching him, and he’s started watching him back. The boy is a little older than Light, and from where Light’s looking he’s not bad – good grades, good personality, good looks (not that Light would be so vain). He didn’t ever expect to draw anyone’s attention, but he’s hardly going to complain.

**It develops. A note pushed into a locker, a longing stare, a smile across the yard.**

The notes are cute and make Light feel slightly ridiculous about the giddy smiles they spark. He takes up the offer when B mentions private tutoring (he doesn’t really need it, he is doing just fine, but he won’t turn down such generosity). He’s smiling back at B now, cautious and curious, still not quite sure where he wants this to go.

**It becomes more. Stolen breath, hidden kisses, breaks spent hiding in empty classrooms.**

Their study sessions become study dates, and then just plain dating. It is sweet and interesting and everything Light could have wanted, being doted on by B. It’s a cliché romance, comprised of cute coffee shops and tentative hand holding, but Light wouldn’t ask for anything else.

**It grows. Forbidden touches and a glowing warmth in his chest.**

He was just experimenting. A bit of flirting, a quick fuck and out. But as they spend more time together B shows him intimacy and care like he has never experienced before. The seed of their relationship has been planted and nurtured, blossoming into a happiness that gives him new eyes and a warm heart, a fairy tale relationship that seems almost too good to be true.

**He can still feel the warmth, but the touches are becoming rougher, more demanding. They begin to hurt.**

He denies it at first. Tells himself it’s just the natural progression of their relationship. In fact, it probably would have been more frustrating if B had handled him like glass forever. Of course now they’re more comfortable with each other, things are going to develop. It is natural for B to feel jealous sometimes, to get possessive - it happens in all relationships. They can work through it.

**And so it has to stop. He says as much. It earns him a warning.**

“B, you know I love you, but… well… we just need to spend some time apart. I think it’d be best for both of us if we took a bit of a break. You’re –“

_SLAP_

Holding his burning cheek, Light can do little but stand and look up in shock. It’s like Beyond isn’t even seeing him, his eyes glossed over as he turns and leaves. Light sinks where he stands, relying on a nearby wall for support. He wonders what happened, what he missed that led to this, if it could have been avoided. Wonders what he will do next.

**It earns him an apology and choking love behind the out buildings.**

When Beyond approaches him the next day, he expects an apology, chocolates, flowers, maybe even Beyond begging for his forgiveness. Instead he is led behind a building and unceremoniously face fucked. He starts to move away in protest, opens his mouth to talk it out but Beyond raises his hand and Light flinches at the memory, the pain and the anger from Beyond, and he falls pathetically to the ground. Crying alone on the tarmac afterwards, exhausted from the emotional whiplash and smeared with cum and vomit, Light wonders what happened to the sweet B he fell in love with. Light doesn’t think he’s coming back.

**It earns him bruised hips and a quick silence.**

Before he’d dismissed make-up as an easy skill, a pointless endeavour that he didn’t understand, but as the days pass he’s quickly learning the arts of blending and painting, of giving himself a second skin to hide the first one. It’s his last resort, but he doesn’t know what else to do. Beyond is a violent storm that has swept him away, and to begin with he was kept safely in the calm eye at the centre, but now he has been thrust into a raging, twisting anger that is steadily drowning him. 

Back jarring at the sensation of being thrown against yet another wall, he pleads with Beyond and pushes desperately at the advancing body, but Beyond just smiles and laughs like it’s a game, smothering Light and smiling when he goes limp, trying to find a separate headspace. He doesn’t want to feel this again.

**It began innocently, but now it is quick glances, a flinch in the corridor, an avoided classroom. It is the warnings written over his skin, the deadly glares, hiding in the crowds.**

Drifting away into the casual crowds of people is Light’s attempt at survival. He was scared they’d reject him, it had been so long since he had spent time with anyone other than Beyond, but the smiles are all welcoming and encouraging. He had forgotten – this is what _safe_ felt like.

Beyond is still there, the prickling sensation on the back of his neck, the eyes burning into his back, but he laughs and smiles along and pretends he doesn’t feel it. He knows Beyond won’t cause a scene in public, will leave it till later when they’re alone, will wait till he can have Light begging and sobbing and gasping out apologies. Absent headspace is a newfound friend of his, allowing his consciousness to hide when he can no longer cope with their ‘love’.

**It has become so much more. Stolen innocence, bruising kisses and breaks spent trying to hide away.**

The first time it happened, Light isn’t exactly sure, and neither is he sure how many times it has happened since, but it is happening again now. Shoulders hunched under the straining weight, the pressure in his lungs builds, his throat closes and there are desperate tears streaming down his face. Angrily, he scratches at the patchwork of bruises decorating his skin, attacking himself with a sudden mania as he gulps the air he is drowning in. The sight of red makes him pause, blood drawn by his own frantic actions. He feels like a broken marionette dangling in mid-air, terrified of the puppet master looming over him.

**It has grown unbearable. He is forbidden to speak a word about the deep, searing cold he is feeling.**

This is the limit. He wishes there were someone here to stop him, to hold him tight and comfort him and force him to carry on living. As it is, he feels as if he is watching someone else’s hands are tying the noose, hanging the rope, carrying the chair. The least he can do is make this clean for whoever finds him. He stands one last time, surveys his surroundings but does not really see them as he pulls the loop around his neck.

Then he kicks the chair.

**He was not the one to tie this noose, but he will not fall alone.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next... Beyond


	2. Chapter 2

**It starts out innocently enough. A glance, a brush in the corridor, a peek through a classroom window.**

He has noticed. Finally. It’s quite cute really, the way he’s trying to be sneaky with his glances, his searching eyes and piqued curiosity betraying him. Beyond has spent so long watching. It’s about time he got something back.

**It develops. A note pushed into a locker, a longing stare, a smile across the yard.**

It is tentative at first, a few returned smiles and delicate laughs, and it is infuriating. The pace of their interaction is not enough for his hunger, and so the notes begin. You can see the delight on his pretty little face at the attention, and their ‘study sessions’ seem like the natural follow up.

**It becomes more. Stolen breath, hidden kisses, breaks spent hiding in empty classrooms.**

As neither have much need for studying, they quickly move along from their sessions into the realm of cliché dates. Stuffy coffee houses and endless rounds of twenty one questions would usually have Beyond bashing his head against the wall, but just this once, just this person, he can endure it.

**It grows. Forbidden touches and a glowing warmth in his chest.**

It’s the little touches, the sighs and the smiles that give it away. Light seeks him out on an almost daily basis so they can find somewhere secluded, somewhere Beyond can elicit the dirtiest little noises from Light without having to worry about being heard. The locked doors and empty rooms where he can do whatever he wishes with Light, and Light will not refuse, will not complain, will let Beyond in with open arms and a cheeky grin.

Because now Light belongs to Beyond, why should he want to be anywhere else?

**He can still feel the warmth, but the touches are becoming rougher, more demanding. They begin to hurt.**

Now that Light has been broken in, Beyond can afford to handle him with a little less delicacy. He delights in slamming Light against all manner of surfaces, lips crushed together to pull out those sweet little sounds Light makes, revelling in the pleasure of manipulating the lithe body underneath him.

Light belongs to him now, and he will do anything to keep it that way.

**And so it has to stop. He says as much. It earns him a warning.**

“B, you know I love you, but… well… we just need to spend some time apart. I think it’d be best for both of us if we took a bit of a break. You’re –“

_SLAP_

Light is stood holding his cheek, wide eyes fixed on Beyond, but he does not notice. Rage is rushing through him, a burning venom snatching through his system.

Beyond owns Light. He isn’t going anywhere.

**It earns him an apology and choking love behind the out buildings.**

Beyond lets Light choose how he wants to apologise. Looking down on Light as he comes, glassy eyed and choking on his knees, Beyond knows Light recognises their positions properly now. He strokes Light’s head in praise before turning to walk away.

**It earns him bruised hips and a quick silence. The unanswerable questions and the sudden clumsiness.**

He grabs Light and throws him up against the wall, fingers digging lines into his hips as Light slams his hand into Beyond’s shoulders and avoids his hungry mouth in favour of biting his neck. Light’s new penchant for violent sex is something Beyond is definitely interested in indulging, but not today. He snarls and bites down in return, smirking when Light whimpers in defeat and goes pliant in his hands.

**It began innocently, but now it is quick glances, a flinch in the corridor, an avoided classroom. It is the warnings written over his skin, the deadly glares, hiding in the crowds.**

Light is trying to be sneaky again, avoiding Beyond and skipping their time together, but of course Beyond has noticed. He has noticed the bruises on Light’s body sometimes accompanied by small cuts, he has noticed the conversations Light is initiating with others, the gentle laugh he will no longer use around Beyond. It does not take an idiot to see that someone is enticing Light, hurting him and pulling him away from Beyond. That cannot be allowed.

Light belongs to him.

**It has become so much more. Stolen innocence, bruising kisses and breaks spent trying to hide away.**

Light has been absent for a few days now. He has not tried to visit, he is not answering calls or texts, he is leaving Beyond in the dark when he knows he should tell Beyond everything. Has someone hurt Light? Has he been taken away from Beyond? There is a steady fury building up inside him as he contemplates the options, but he can do one thing at least. Light will need punishing when he gets back, and he will need a plan. ****

**It has grown unbearable. He is forbidden to speak a word about the deep, searing cold he is feeling.**

Suicide.

Beyond throws his fist into the mirror, gasping as the shards fall down around him. His Light is dead. Gone. Beyond knows someone is responsible, could see Light was hurting and he has done nothing. Why wouldn’t Light tell him? He pulls his fist back and he can see his arm trembling, can see the blood stained knuckles but he has lost all sense of connection. He will never see Light again, never know who hurt him, unless…

Streams of red are pouring from his wrists as he stands, discarding the sharp shards of mirror now drenched in blood. His knuckles flash white on the rim of the sink as he grips it with one hand, using the other to feel blindly through the boxes in the cupboard. Any will do, and he begins to choke the tablets down as his blood continues to drip. He has to be sure this job is done properly.

Suicide.

If he cannot have his Light, he will join him.

**He was the one to tie the noose and he will fall alone.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there you go.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought with a comment.
> 
> Have a nice day.


End file.
